Stalled out but not down

So I've been puttering around with no less than twelve pretty serious works in progress.
I had settled that my last year's NaNo would be cut down into a short story, but then I stalled out into making some serious decisions for my characters and I just did not feel like that was organic enough to address.
Then I have this huge math book project and I couldn't decide whether or not to put work samples in or not. But that was actually a 'little' problem compared to getting information in there correctly. That project is slowly coming together.
I have six geography projects in progress. The problem there is trying to gather enough research to be credible. Plus all the map illustrations are currently still in progress.
Then there's my newest Stick Figure book. Yes! I have another Stick Figure book in progress. Today's breakthrough there was actually really profound. I'm partnered into an art class this last part of the term and today we introduced proportional facial feature drawing. And all the information I learned nearly twenty-five years ago came back. Unlike my last Stick Figure book, which was based on Shakespeare, it's a lot harder when the same character is at the center of the story and his outward appearance changes because it's literally years of abuse his body takes in the story. So how do you know it's this guy and not another guy? It's the face. It will always be the face. I finally had a breakthrough about facial shapes looking at the options given. I reviewed classical proportions, appropriate due to the content of the book, and was reminded the stress of facial expressions had in classical sculptures. On the plus side, it's also encouraging me to draw larger, which is all right, I can have a few views of much more detailed faces.
There are assorted works of fiction and non-fiction all demanding different attentions from me and I still have yet to address them all. But I will. And I need to publish this summer because I don't know when I'll have a chance ever again.

Those mid-NaNoWriMo reminders

I am 34,000+ words into this year's NaNoWriMo. Again, I aim for 60,000 words. Other than being seriously sick last week, 60,000 looks like it may just be in the cards again. Except for a few things.
One of the pieces of advice I recently took to heart was looking at making sure the characters did not always get what they wanted. And I realized, part of my current NaNoWriMo is boring because I am literally letting my characters get what they want. On the plus side, however, I have been re-working scenes (read I re-wrote them) and getting to those roadblocks.
Other things of note: I did not realize unto recently how lonely all of my characters are without associates in their lives to help guide them through life's journey. I get my characters happy with being in the lives of someone else but no one else is in their life at all. No sage, no friend, no comic relief. This is why my stories stop-start so abruptly. I need to work on that.

And I need to get back to work. I am too old to be doing this on a Friday night.

Lessons from NaNoWriMo 2015

So this year, I returned to the short story. I have found that I'm actually a lot better at short stories than trying to directly apply myself into a huge novel. There is something mentally relieving when I can switch gears if I am not feeling the characters I'm working on at the time.

One of the struggles I really could not compromise on was the fact that I was working on some ideas  in my stories and I had no purpose for the characters. I just had these one or two phrases to write the story and it made being a "pantser" (writing by the seat of my pants), a lot less appealing for the first year. I can be flexible with my writing and accept if there should not be something I should push with my writing, but without traditional literary themes (exploration of 'riches', emotional contrasts, political statements, emotional growth) I found my first draft stifling. My characters turned wooden and were hardly moving. I was really disappointed in that fact. Previously, most of my characters were characters to be proud of. And this year, while I had interesting stories, I did not have interesting characters.

In the case where I had an interesting character, I felt shackled by an uprising in the writing community to avoid some types of story lines because they are all too easy to use as "ways to make the story work." And while normally, I ignore that advice, I thought I should try for once just to see if I could look at the tasks faced by my characters and come up with less common tasks for my characters to overcome and that are just as emotionally shackling as some more traumatic human experiences. And they are hard to fathom. Most of these struggles are deeply pained sorts of losses and with out exploration, they continue to eat away at the character, stripping them to their basic level and no one really knows how to rebuild from the emotional destruction better than the character.

So for next year, I'm going to do more than just "try to write more". I want to commit back to writing more like once a week for a full hour. I want to make sure I address more basic literary themes, based on leaving them in the dust this year, I realized if I had addressed them, my stories would have been stronger. And finally, I want to remember that the characters come first in fictional writing. It is not just their world I am building, I am building them.

NaNo2015 Update from 8 days in

There were plans. As a 60/40 pantser: there were plans. I swear there were. Especially around blogging this year.

And then POOF. Time. Life. Demands beyond belief.

When I tell you that my health is taking a dive here, you might want to believe it. The phone call to my personal physician is also on "the list" for December.

But I'm on schedule to finish 60,000 words 11/30. I'm working on 2 short stories at the same time, which is useful when I'm struggling with one scene, I can pop over to the other story and write in information I feel necessary so I can think about something else for a little while.

But I forage on. One day, I'd like to be someone who tries to get 50,000 in over 2 days or something. As it is, I'm about 2000 words in a dedicated hour. Something that I thought would be easier.

I love NaNoWriMo, if nothing else, to remind me to focus, and drown out all the issues that plague me and worry me because my writing is really soothing in the end. That's why I started blogging. That's why I started writing through NaNoWriMo.

I love to write. I will continue to do so.

NaNoWriMo Count Down

I'm not that crazy. I mean I do know there are 34 days until I can rev up my writing engine and get out all the work necessary.

I have five story ideas that are ready to go for this year's NaNo. I'm really looking forward to being able to get those ideas out and the characters to become more than just a few spare ideas.

Most of all, this year, I would like to break 60,000 words. I know I squeaked by in 55,000 last year, but I would really like to put in that effort, and breaking a personal record makes me wonder if it is at all possible.

I think I'm set. I just have to register and go. But first: birthday party palooza. I have no less than 3 babies in the next few weeks who turn 1. I haven't decided what to do for them all yet, but it's on the list to focus on.

Copy rights and other things

A good author should always be writing. The problem with my life: I'm not always doing so. Some of it is there are parts of my life that are not involved with writing; sleeping, eating, self-entertaining (TV/media), friends, and stuff writing related (research, illustrating, and editing).

So when I announced at the end of last month I had finally produced a second edition to a book I had written two years ago, I was over the moon with joy. Today, I'm sitting and waiting for the physical proof of a second book in a series to arrive so I can check it for publishing. 

I have also started five new projects, two of which I sent to a pay to use publisher that was about a week of work for both. The remaining three non-fiction projects include intensive research one that requires reading Homer. I've got to say that while I am versed and highly skilled in research, even before the advent of Google, research is a pain. You've got to be extraordinarily organized and prepared for anything that you will uncover.

And then there are no less than three fictional works in progress. I realized last year during NaNo, I was feeling rusty, as if my written work was suffering from my lack of connection to the worlds I was building, even if the world as we see it wasn't that different than the world in the piece I was writing. The good news is that these written works have been started, yet they are hardly publishing level. I don't know if they will ever be ready. I worry about that because that is my goal, to have work prepared for people to share. 

Then there is blogging, I need todo more of it, and hold myself to the deadlines because clearly that works during the 8 months a year I blog for the Company. I am getting better. 

An announcement of no small proportions, I've just formally registered for a copyright for one of my books. I'm thrilled and scared all at the same time. Hopefully the Office of Copyright will see fit to bestow one of their precious certificates on me. I won't know for 8 months. Previous works are actually protected by common copyright law. Having been published is enough to generally protect the work but this last step is an important legal step.

There is a lot going on in the world of writing. I enjoy [almost] every minute of it.

While I have you here: I'm now a part of a campaign #BetterTogether. Using this hashtag is meant to help promote inclusive communities for people with disabilities. Hopefully I will have cause to use it soon.

The Post NaNoWriMo Blog Wrap-up

My NaNoWriMo has been validated. And an impressive 55, 118 words was the final count.

What I learned this year: I have gotten rusty when it comes to fiction. I am not reading enough different materials anymore and I am not developing my characters the way I need them to develop into deep creatures of habit.

So what I may end up doing next year is finding characters I have already worked on or at least tried to work on previously and finding a deeper story to provide the depth and the generous story quality I know I can create.

I also happen to know that I am not creating those moments for my characters, moments that I hold in deep emotion. Those have been harder to create this year.

The best news: the growth out of the deep dark that I can write was not nearly as bad this year. I could write a dark, emotionally haunting scene, and as an author I could walk away and not feel the emotion boiling over limiting my ability to recover.

I don't know if that is a reflection of maturity as a writer, or the fact that I did not care about my work this year.

As for my company books that are pending: I have five or six books lined up and I just need to get them to be organized.

So new goals:

1. Write more. This isn't a quantity, this is a discipline. And more in fiction.
2. Remember that I can only improve. Or at least that is my goal to continue to improve.
3. Ignore the goal of publishing. It would be great if I was worth lots of money from my writing, but it is not the only thing I can do.
4. Know that I am in this for the long haul. I like writing. I always have. 

NaNoWriMo 2014: done. And now a little time to relax while I prepare some books for my company for publication.

More Rantings from the NaNoWriMo Side

I don't think I've ever blogged so much in one month through this account. Let me tell you something, it's for a great cause.

So to date: at this moment I've written 12,001 words. That last word was a hard won fight.

Here's why: I realized that I'm telling a story about a character who has no likes or dislikes. She has no attachments, and her relationships last only as long as a few breaths.

Shouldn't she be a secondary character?

The character challenge. Building characters because they have nothing is pretty key here. Not because they rise from nothing to become nothing, but the character who cannot do anything, shackled by oppression...it's almost 18th century French or Russian literature...And then they drift into the aether of existence.

I didn't know that when I chose this character to follow. I thought I had another story here. Wow. I love this journey.

Near future: I need to cross into 16,000 word territory to make up for the 2 nights this week I've skipped writing. I need to focus on the world around my character more. I'm excited and giddy. Right now I'm also worried that my goal of 60,000 with being happy cracking 55, 000 is going to be too much. But I'm going to try. I've got nothing to lose right?

Why NaNo2014?

Or better yet, why NaNo at all?

As a person who generally walks down the street, I am normally not thinking about the sidewalk, or things I see, hear, or smell specifically in much detail. My world lives and dies the way I write, the way I think, and the way I need to convince someone else to think.

Writing is probably the easiest way for me to do this. I've been very reluctant orally to express my thoughts.

But while I write describing every last item within reach of my characters, I know completely that over half of that dribble will be cut away. None of it matters, but it mattered to me because I am trying to build a world that I know almost nothing about even if it is very similar to my own world.


So far, so good, crossing 2000 words after an hour and a half of writing yesterday. Going to try for some more today. My goal this year officially is 55,000 words. I would _really_ like 60,000 just to say I was able to make it.

Other complications: the blogging I do for the Company. That's at least an hour or two once a week to develop the topic, edit what I have written (sometimes rather poorly I might add) and then send it through the social media whirlwind.

But I can't abandon the idea of NaNo after nine years. I like the dedication I am required to have to help hone discipline I rarely use in the rest of my life. Although, upon brief reflection that discipline would serve me better if I used it more often outside of NaNoWriMo.

Time to get cracking. Another 2000 words await being placed on the page.

Horrible, Horrible Blogger

There comes a point in every blogger's life: do I keep going or do I just stop.

I have admittedly been overwhelmed with my life. And I just completed my 8th NaNoWriMo where I decided to try and aim for 60,000. I will tell you it is possible as long as you do not succomb to doldrums in the middle for any reason.

NaNoWriMo is about removing the excuse of "Oh, I can't write." So that seems silly on the surface that someone who is a NaNoWriMo veteran like myself can be stymied by something so simple as life. But life happens.

And things like running multiple blogs gets shoved aside.

Disappointments happen. I don't think my NaNoWriMo is as strong as it could have been. I also know I did abandon my NaNoWriMo early due to early setbacks in my month that had nothing to do with my writing.

I think in the future, I will find other things to write about. I will eventually have enough to work on shortly. But for now, do not get crazy if I do not post regularly.

What makes a hero?

When thinking about the construct of hero, I usually don't think about anything other than main character.

But in literary terms, the hero is the character that brings about the most change. It is the Hero who gives the story the purpose. He defines a role that we want to champion the defense and directions, moan poor choices and provide a self reflection that makes us better people in real life. 

Heroes in children stories can be very simple. They have faults like Arthur of the Arthur anteater. They give us hope like Frodo of Lord of the Rings. They remind us that even hero worship has limits like in Harry Potter.

But why the exposition? Because I'm looking at the construction of hero and teaching heroes. It could be a whole theme. I will sort out the ideas later. NaNoWriMo is on the horizon.

When Is It Time to Fall Short

I look at the work that consumes my life and I know that every day and every minute I don't work: I'm already behind.

I finally got a chance to review my first book I released this year and I look and I found an error, I won't say where because at this point, my few fans that know the difference haven't actually said anything. But that is the trouble that leaves me feeling like I know all the reasons why I won't "make it to the next level".

I struggle with the needs of the work that I undertake. I hope this is only temporary. NaNoWriMo is just around the corner.

And It's Out of My Hands

I just want to thank you all for your support the past few months as I've prepared my newest book, Sheltered Hearts. It is the first book I've independently published in over 4 years. Sheltered Hearts has just made it to the final check with the publishers, pending a 24 hour review before final publication to go live on Amazon and Amazon Europe.

Sheltered Hearts surrounds Blair Jacobson as she tries to manage the aftermath of her father's recent death. She knows how isolated she is in her life that has been consumed by work, like her father. It is her little inlets to reaching out that helps her and her brothers and sister find that the house they grew up in was more than just a building conceived and built by their father, but the safe harbor they never thought they would ever have.

Still available on Amazon.com: ParaEducate (with Megan Gross, Jennifer Kurth, Ph.D, and Lisa Yamasaki), Putting It On the Line, and Small Voices.

In the next few months I'm preparing ParaEducate's first adapted curriculum book, Geography, and potentially a release of the US History book.

I'm really excited and cannot wait to see what I will get my hands on just around the corner.

Final Stretch

So I'm sitting in front of the computer staring at the completed manuscript I'm getting ready to publish. I have an "acceptable" cover though that may change shortly pending my mood next week when I finalize all my materials to the publisher.

I cannot tell you how hard it is to sit and summarize a book I've written about for the better part of over a year in only five sentences. Especially since the published version is nothing like the version I spit balled through my writing in a NaNoWriMo over two years ago. But the characters stand, and that's the most important part to me. My characters can weather the changes of editing for any reason. 

And all I know is that this is all (editing, designing, going to regular work) harder than it is supposed to be to upload the final materials and tell the publisher to green light the project. After all, this is my baby. What sort of part of me will now be vulnerable once people start reading my newest book?

I'm also sitting on about three middle drafts for the different volumes of ParaEducate's newest round of materials. This is a different sort of vulnerability as I try to organize all the sources I have for my materials.

All of these things are coming out in the next five to six months right on top of each other. It will take a small miracle to keep them all organized but I'm getting there. And hopefully, they'll all find the audience that I've intended them to be seen by.

There is quite a bit of vulnerability as an author and running a company whose goal is to publish to a specific industry. And it can be confusing at times, even to me as I consider all the parts of my public life. But the best part of my growth as a writer, is the chance to share the stories and materials with more people. And that's where this is all headed. Non-fiction or fiction, that is the greatest joy I have when that finished book is in my hands. That is really what the final stretch is about.

NaNoWriMo, Fame verses Success

I think the thing that has drawn me most to NaNoWriMo simply that is that completing it is success. Getting to 50,000, that's the goal. It's constant. I will get there. I have gotten there for several years in a row. This year has been harder. Between juggling a full dramatic show with teenagers, doing my full time job, doing my part time job, and other assorted crises, words have been harder this year than ever.

So why do NaNo? Because I'm chasing fame? Hardly. My success as a writer isn't tied up in my fame. My success as a writer is in sharing the work and the ideas that I have in my head. It's completing the work in my head that I have half written outlines for. Success is just knowing that it is "done" and then you can find the next thing to accomplish.

Fame is what drives many of my students. After all, it could be a lofty goal. It seems that famous people are more successful. They, famous people, seem to have combined love, fame and success in one fell swoop. Fame can last for as long as possible with some who have managed to make fame look desirable.

But that is not why NaNoWriMo continues to be churned out in little spurts here and there. Success is an easier stick to measure the world by.

50,000 Words. 30 Days. 0 Excuses. (Well maybe...)

As a writer, I hadn't cut my teeth on anything serious. I didn't have a genre I was writing for, I didn't have regular discipline.

And then 8 years ago, I was introduced to the idea of NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writer's Month. It was a little idea back then: start writing. aimed for 50,000 words and get it done in November. The idea being, instead of just talking about all the writing you want to do was to make it a priority and just write. And get it out. Make all the ideas real.

For the next 7 Novembers, I wrote like I had never written before. I was given introduction into the world of self-publishing, and then I published 3 books through the same venue.

I went from just talking about the book and being satisfied that the information was out of my head in a digital file. And then, I got to hold it in my hands. That feeling of knowing what it looks like and how it feels to hold the thing I have spent the most time on has never felt any better.

So year 8 is upon me. This is more than 2600 words a day roughly. This is about knowing what works, being committed to the outcome above all else.

I have a few more obstacles this year than any other year. I'm always constantly distracted by a lot of issues at hand. I will finish.

50,000 words. 30 days. 19 days left until I can sign up. I cannot wait to get at this. Even though I don't have a plot yet.

For my fans

This isn't my first blog. I have a few others. Actually, one was even dedicated to my writing, and it's still up, and I have no intention of taking it down. But this blog here, this is a whole new ball game.

I've just ventured into serious business most recently. And while the business involves the new book I helped co-author and subsequent books around the topic of special education, I haven't really had a venue for talking about these topics as clearly as I'd like to.

So, like any good writer, what do I do? I write yet another blog.

A little about me.

First of all, I'm a private person. Which may be shocking because I tweet, use Facebook, run two blogs with 4 different blog communities, and a few other medium to keep track of everything and everyone I really care about. But I think it develops me as a writer to know that there are times when I can completely turn all of that noise off and just be me.

I don't think I'm going to be famous really by being an author. But I write what I care about which is probably more reflective of who I am.

I blog, I play video games, I go to work in special education by day, dabble in graphic design on the side, and to date, I've published 3 books. One of the 3 I have been working on since I was 14. I published 2/3rds of the original manuscript I wrote as a "thing" for my 30th birthday, it's Putting It On The Line.

I have a fairly technical mind. I'm often accused of tightening bolts before there are even screws in place.

I spent the better part of my adolescence sweeping up dirt and sawdust on the technical side of theater. I studied architecture and intended to build schools for kids to learn in.

I fritter away time watching network television.

I've spent 6 years doing NaNoWriMo and completed it every year no matter how many distractions have been my direction.

I consider myself a person with deep loyalty. I am also given to a very sneaky side which benefits my friends when they want to pull off a surprise for someone else.

Fair warning, I do have liberal political leanings with an emotionally conservative background. I view the need for culture before I need my own religious reconciliations. My country isn't perfect, but then again, no one's is and I'm grateful mine is generally better than most.

There are other parts of my life that make me up, but these are the ones that matter most.

I fully intend this blog to be about my written work, my writing process, and stories related to the process of publishing the different types of materials I create.