Where Have I Been?

I've been under a rock. There is no excuse for not writing as often as I could be. However, the great news: I have a new book on the way! I was 99% certain this morning I'd be approving the new book. Instead, I decided to flip through a section of the book, I rarely focused on in previous editing attempts and was stopped by a glaring error. So I had to fix that. Since I was in the mood for re-uploading the file, I went and tried a little experiment and fixed something that was literally trivial but the fix made my heart feel better about layout.
So "On the Shoulders of Giants", my latest book for The Company (not to be confused with the general Hollywood euphemism for the CIA or any other Federal agency) is actually a 3 part book series. I had started in June organizing all three books, I actually thought I could publish all three books by the end of the summer. But I realized, there were some major holes in my research for the bulk of two of the books--so I focused on this third book, the biographies of people who contributed to science, 43 different people in the field of science and their accomplishments written for students who need modified curriculum. For every 1-2 pages of biography, there are 2 different sets of questions. One direct W/H questions (Who, What, When, Where, How--no "Why"..that's a different level of thinking), and the other more about encouraging research and finding answers to relate to the readings. Every biography had a map of the modern birth country of the scientist, a timeline of the scientist's life in perspective of the timeline of history that modern history recognizes, and then one illustration that relates to the reading of something that the scientist is connected with.
This book was intended to be a capstone on an already epic series. And then when I moved it to be my sole focus, I do think it lost a little edge, and then I went into the publisher to start setting the book up for publishing. And then there was a problem. A major problem. At 200 pages, with about 175 pages that had color, the book would have to be priced at nearly $50 for The Company to make any reasonable money-- our usual royalty is from $6-$10 per book. That amount broke our general rule of trying not to charge more than $30 to every customer.
We hemmed and hawed painfully for a few days. There are some things that aren't worth fighting for, we put the customers first. The book illustrations were redone: all to be in black and white. It was challenging at first, because we didn't know what would translate well in black and white-- it turns out nothing did so we threw away a lot of original illustrations and used some very old, old graphic tricks like patterning to get the effects we wanted, not just removing the color from the graphics. We tried just removing color from the graphics. It wasn't enough to be visually clear.
So right now, we're waiting to hear back from the publisher. We're 99% certain we'll be approving the draft as final tomorrow. (Yes we know we were 99% certain we'd publish to day, but give us our hope!)

Getting In For the Long Game

It took me three years to get off my butt and finish converting all the images from "The Bard In Stick Figures" into true graphics. The downside, the print on some of the images became too small to read as a result for digital publication. But the good side of all of this, it means that the graphics are ready to go for the new publication. Other issues we ran into include that the publication works best in horizontal and not so awesome for black and white only tablets which still represents about 60% of the market base (including me!). But it's still better than "nothing".

In my personal writing endeavors, however, I'm stumped. My characters have one sided relationships, they do not share what they like about each other, I suspect that one of my characters, no matter who she would end up with, it would not be easy for anyone.

Despite setbacks, one of the things I really like about writing is the process. Just getting the words on the page and not worrying about the artful imagery, though at times, that proves to be useful. Knowing what I see in my characters and needing to bring that out and share with others is very important to my work.

And I did not win any lottery. So back to the salt mines to do taxes.

NaNoWriMo 2017

If it is not obvious, managing nearly eight different blogs and working three full time jobs has eaten away at my blogging abilities. But that wasn't the reason my NaNo got derailed at all this year. As of today, I did cross into 50,000 territory. I had initially started out aiming for 61,000 words. On Thursday last week, my anxiety crossed new boundaries. There was no reasonable way for me to make a personal best this year. 

I don't talk a lot about anxiety. I've had it for years. But on Thursday, after one of my regular jobs, I was informed I would not go in on Friday. The entire employee base was denied entry to work for safety and the seriousness of the situation. Police barricaded all entry points. For the first time in my life, my worse fears were at my feet. Where could I go? This still has not resolved and the police action is valid. I'm personally prepared to return to work, I know on Monday I will have specific information that I will not be able share on social media but marching orders are what they will be. But on Friday, while I was managing family and work from the car, I broke. The idea of looking at a personal best was impossible. I have never written a sentence of NaNo from my car on the side of a road, but this year I did. And while I did so, I couldn't look at my characters. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be anywhere but useless. And in my car, with my laptop open, I was officially useless. I decided 

I could not make 61,000. I would have to make 50,000 and just write a few extra days. And like that, my anxiety leveled off.

What did I learn?

• I have gotten better at describing a single situation. I still need to work on my chapter transitions. I really have good scenes built up when I think about the things I want to hit. 
• My main character is very much an introvert. They relish in their solitude, but do not resent the people that pull them out for snippets of time. My introverts value the world they have to navigate but in their solitude, they shine. But the world is unkind at times to introverts and it seems so much bigger than they are.
• If i keep working at my major plot holes, I eventually do find a great way to fix them. 
• Using real life events are a bad idea. This year because of some situations beyond my control, I went with a "solution" that then became front page news. I cannot publish this story. Fictional pain that then becomes real pain, even by coincidence is not a real plot point. See my entire paragraph of anxiety above.

NaNo goodies are now mine for the taking. I will write all thirty days, get my first thirty day badge. Then back to work.

Stalled out but not down

So I've been puttering around with no less than twelve pretty serious works in progress.
I had settled that my last year's NaNo would be cut down into a short story, but then I stalled out into making some serious decisions for my characters and I just did not feel like that was organic enough to address.
Then I have this huge math book project and I couldn't decide whether or not to put work samples in or not. But that was actually a 'little' problem compared to getting information in there correctly. That project is slowly coming together.
I have six geography projects in progress. The problem there is trying to gather enough research to be credible. Plus all the map illustrations are currently still in progress.
Then there's my newest Stick Figure book. Yes! I have another Stick Figure book in progress. Today's breakthrough there was actually really profound. I'm partnered into an art class this last part of the term and today we introduced proportional facial feature drawing. And all the information I learned nearly twenty-five years ago came back. Unlike my last Stick Figure book, which was based on Shakespeare, it's a lot harder when the same character is at the center of the story and his outward appearance changes because it's literally years of abuse his body takes in the story. So how do you know it's this guy and not another guy? It's the face. It will always be the face. I finally had a breakthrough about facial shapes looking at the options given. I reviewed classical proportions, appropriate due to the content of the book, and was reminded the stress of facial expressions had in classical sculptures. On the plus side, it's also encouraging me to draw larger, which is all right, I can have a few views of much more detailed faces.
There are assorted works of fiction and non-fiction all demanding different attentions from me and I still have yet to address them all. But I will. And I need to publish this summer because I don't know when I'll have a chance ever again.

When the Push Isn't the Story

There is no secret, I'm constantly churning out at least a short story or two. But lately, my work hasn't been as fruitful. And it's definitely slowed. Certainly my life situations do really limit my productivity. Between the fact that I'm trying to find a grad school that will take me and testing for other issues related to getting into the grad programs I wish to get into.

So this is the first year in a long time I have access to the required reading block in my academic schedule where it's required that all students come in and read at the beginning of class. And to my unexpected pleasure, the teacher with whom I am partnered with this year, has a wonderful book collection. I am in book heaven. I spent the first three weeks of the school year devouring a new book and then I realized there was a book I "should" read. I picked up that book, it is a biography.

The medium of biography is not a focus of the type of writing I do: general descriptive non-fiction and fiction. But as I read this story and look at the life of another person who just had an opportunity like no one else could have ever believed. I haven't even gotten to the primary focus of the biography yet.

But this reminds me of two things: writers need to read everything and then reading helps writers get clarity in directions of the ways their fiction or non-fiction need to be able to appeal to a variety of readers.

Yes I am still writing. I am still reading as well. I hope to become more open to reading more genres.

Editing

Editing is the bane of my existence. Fortunately, for me, I make either subtle mistakes that I can ponder over, delete, and re-word into a simpler manner, or I make huge errors and freak out that they are giant glaring mistakes.

Today, looking at the manuscript heading to the publisher, I removed three pages and then had to sort through some tricky issues with the index. I have to admit, I do the index in a most strenuous manner, but there's got to be a better way sometimes. But on the upside, this upcoming publication has nearly five pages just of sources.

Almost ready to send to final publish. On a second 24 hour hold. We will see.

So many things

Hi Again!

The irregular posts are returned!

I am actually looking at three short stories that I'm trying to build into a book. I have four books I'm in progress, the hardest with over 500 hand drawn illustrations. And I'm still a little confused why I choose to tackle these artistic challenges.

So I'm about 15 images into 500 illustrations. This may take longer than I anticipated.

I'll be back to blog soon. Lots of work needs to be done.

Lessons from NaNoWriMo 2015

So this year, I returned to the short story. I have found that I'm actually a lot better at short stories than trying to directly apply myself into a huge novel. There is something mentally relieving when I can switch gears if I am not feeling the characters I'm working on at the time.

One of the struggles I really could not compromise on was the fact that I was working on some ideas  in my stories and I had no purpose for the characters. I just had these one or two phrases to write the story and it made being a "pantser" (writing by the seat of my pants), a lot less appealing for the first year. I can be flexible with my writing and accept if there should not be something I should push with my writing, but without traditional literary themes (exploration of 'riches', emotional contrasts, political statements, emotional growth) I found my first draft stifling. My characters turned wooden and were hardly moving. I was really disappointed in that fact. Previously, most of my characters were characters to be proud of. And this year, while I had interesting stories, I did not have interesting characters.

In the case where I had an interesting character, I felt shackled by an uprising in the writing community to avoid some types of story lines because they are all too easy to use as "ways to make the story work." And while normally, I ignore that advice, I thought I should try for once just to see if I could look at the tasks faced by my characters and come up with less common tasks for my characters to overcome and that are just as emotionally shackling as some more traumatic human experiences. And they are hard to fathom. Most of these struggles are deeply pained sorts of losses and with out exploration, they continue to eat away at the character, stripping them to their basic level and no one really knows how to rebuild from the emotional destruction better than the character.

So for next year, I'm going to do more than just "try to write more". I want to commit back to writing more like once a week for a full hour. I want to make sure I address more basic literary themes, based on leaving them in the dust this year, I realized if I had addressed them, my stories would have been stronger. And finally, I want to remember that the characters come first in fictional writing. It is not just their world I am building, I am building them.

Things that make me want to quit

I've been really working on focusing on one part of a project at a time. It helps prevent the waterfall of emotion that comes with looking at the list of books I want to release over the next five years.

Today, for example, I finished the first draft of a new Stick Figure book. I don't have illustrations yet. I just put text together. I haven't figured out how I'm going to handle quotations because of the way this particular story is set up. But the whole story is laid out finally, in a feasible framework.

Over the next year, I hope to start drawing the characters I expect will be in the story and then illustrating the story as I go through.

I sat back, I enjoyed finishing that draft. I put it away. I'm not interested in dealing with that text until next summer. It can sit on back up until then.

Then I moved onto scanning all the illustrations I created. Unlike other times I've illustrated books, especially books I'm publishing, I didn't need that list. Well guess what, I needed that list.

Illustration problems: you go out of your way and create what you think should at least be 55 original drawings for your written work (which is still in the research phase, but the Illustrations are very important to the final product which in early test phases are probably going to be spread out over two books. You spend an hour scanning these original pieces of art to add into your text after digitally adding color. You count your scanned works in the folder. There are 52. 5 of which you can verify immediately as to what they are illustrations of. The remainder will have to individually be checked off a list you thought you didn't need to create. After this series is released: I need to take some serious time off illustration because this drives me nuts.

 I suppose I could always apply and try to get this manuscript taken and published "for real" but I would still have the issues of incomplete data and the fact that everything is just too dense in the real world for the subject matter I create.

Meanwhile, I'm carefully cropping and preparing the illustrations I do have, trying not to go figure out which drawings I'm missing. Who am I kidding? I will be doing that tomorrow.

Long Plot Line of Continuity

A general I have three little "plot bunnies" for fiction work I'm working on. One of which, yesterday, I was about to let out for someone else to claim as their own but I was thinking about how vividly I dreamed and how much I thought the ending would be an interesting twist. So I kept the plot bunny. I'm looking at these three and realizing how much I love the short story. Even with twists, they are to the point, and they don't require elaboration in the case of no one cares what they eat for lunch on Tuesday. Unless it really matters to the plot.

Other important issues before I get to the point of why I'm writing today, I finished submitting and the process for publication of yet another book for the company. Since having finished that book, I continue to bounce around ideas for releasing the second book this summer. I have yet to finish setting it up, I'm afraid of finding a huge error right now. To complicate matters, though I backed up everything and the old hard drive is still accessible, I got a new hard drive in the laptop, but it isn't the old set up which is its own problem. I can't quite find if there was a "D" file and gaps in my research show that I may need to hold onto this book just a little bit longer.

I have eight active projects I rotate through these days. Two on similar topics but are presented differently and the rest are all history based. I will eventually return to science, I have a whole new section to add, but it's also going to be much harder. I am also working on finding illustrations to accompany each section. It's a lot harder than it sounds because I'm mostly preparing all of these photographs for each chapter. Right now, I have an estimate on my hands that one of my books will be 300 pages--pushing its retail price into the $60 range. I'm hoping to bring down the cost, and yet every time I think about cutting a corner somewhere, I realize I'm short changing some piece of the layout.

But all of these are minor plot points in my goals of publishing and writing. Both professionally and informally, my writing forms this grander story arc. Unlike my writings: I don't know where this is headed ultimately. It certainly isn't for fame. And it isn't bound for riches. I've made my peace with those two points. Maybe one day, but certainly not now.

But TV plot lines have gotten a little crazy lately. Sometimes they remember the point of everything. Sometimes they make you remember information from three seasons back. And sometimes, each season might as well be its own thing and have no basis in reality. Some shows are very disjointed from reality to begin with, but others make you wonder how many times they will fire the entire writing team and start over. Just because the writers preserve the characters and their background stories does not mean that the writers understand what they've done the last forty episodes, or even the last two weeks of filming.

I also realize that most people no longer watch an episode a week, instead turning to 'binge' watch in a batch. But then: even having all the episodes with quick turn around means that some things may make even less sense. I am very bothered by this.

Four Hour Work Window

Because it is summer time, in order to conserve electricity for more important uses like air conditioning, I tend to only have a four hour work window. This is from around eight in the morning until noon. During this time I also have things like doctor appointments, getting things set up for the work day, or other errands that tend to occupy my time.

So, those are pretty big stumbling blocks considering I've only been out of official work since Thursday afternoon. But apparently chipping away at a revised edition since last September has finally paid off. Six days after getting out of work: one book is at the 99% completion mark as per my publisher's requirements right now.

Some things I regret about the second edition: I pulled out the beautiful, yet useless, map art work pages. There were ten pages dedicated to just pure artwork. And it took some convincing on my part to let those pages go. They were pretty, as far as computer art without depth goes. But since they didn't really contribute to the book, and they were taking up valuable physical space, they were pulled. I also removed over fifteen pages of communication icons. Those were useful, however, due to the nature of the publisher I am using, I can't leave more than two pages blank and then, the communication icons wouldn't be as accessible as possible. However, they are published through another website and are easily purchased for a few dollars.

I also took advantage of some formatting changes and aligned the glossary to look more like the glossary of the Just the Words series and the upcoming books that may partner with Finding It in the World: Geography.

But I'm pretty excited. I should be able to "sell" the book soon. Meanwhile, my four hour work window has closed. Time for me to find non-electronic work to focus on.

What Is My Brand?

I've been entrenched in branding for the better part of nearly four years now. I had to "brand" a company when I first created it. This means I had to (and my partner would have to agree at the time),

• What colors would be used in the company logo?
• What direction would the company head?
• What social media platforms would we use to communicate with the world and why?
• How to convey messages through the platforms?
• When to update and why?
• How to document the journey of being a really small business doing some pretty big things.

This is completely separate, and why we bothered to set up the company, and why when my business partner left, I continued on and had to do the extra leg work to get the company back up to speed as a sole proprietorship.

But as an author who publishes separately from the company: what is my brand?
Is it me?
Is it the professional me?

Sure, me the person and me the author share a LOT in common. For example: we are both HIGHLY motivated by awesome chocolate chip cookies. I like to write. I've enjoyed it even when I didn't know which words were going to come next on a page or when I typed. And yes, I'll say "we", went to architecture school.While I currently Tweet as myself online, it doesn't necessarily mean I've tweeted as an author, nor does it mean I've set up a Page as an author through Facebook or even Google+.

But how much of "me" am I sharing? Did something I do with my characters resonate with the way my life went? Certainly not always.

"Me the author" really likes to write romance. And it took "me the person" a while to come to terms with that fact. In fact, perhaps, this may be the first time I've publicly admitted that fact although I've not made that the focus of my previous publications.Look, there is no more poerwerful force on earth than love. Love between family, love between people willing to tough it out and start a life together, or love between a person and their pet. [Please do not confuse that previous statement with "having sex with".] Love is a binding force of our universe. Perhaps greater than all four of the types of gravity that are recognized in physics. (Oh, by the way "me the person" is a pretty astute geek and nerd on the side in case sometimes you forget.)

I can also admit, "Me the person" often decides that "me the author" will just have to "wait" while I play video games, run a million errands, or spend time with friends.

I find that my brand as an author takes a different roll every time I open the first draft of my latest work. And I am writing again. Perhaps it will work out this time and I will get a chance to publish. But first come ParaEducate's publications. I publicly announced two months ago, I would be releasing at least one book. I'm nearly ready on a second book which means I should probably start designing covers. Or other projects. Or video games. Or family, eating, sleeping, working jobs that pay a regular paycheck, or friends.

I think I found my brand: Always busy.....

When You See Characters Go Wrong

Originally, when I was composing this post, I was thinking of a specific movie. A cartoon that recently came out. And as I thought about it, I wasn't ready for the emotional backlash that would come with mentioning the specific movie, so I thought I'd talk around the issue at hand.

I'm looking at the composition of the male v. female balance in media as drawn out by the Geena Davis Institute and also considering the Bledchel Test when I write these days. One of my newer projects is larger in scope than initially anticipated because it is non-fiction and crosses over several issues with regards to race and gender. But that ignores characters, fiction, where my heart lies.

So in the aforementioned movie, the character is forced to physically change to take on the challenge that is placed before the character. The character does so reluctantly. And the character gets the challenge and wins and everyone celebrates. And in the sequel, because what is life these days without a sequel, the character changes physically yet again.

What I object to: a character having to physically change. Emotional changes come and go, and yes, sometimes they physically change because of the emotional change, but the removal of some part surgically. Apparently the only way to achieve your goal is to change physically. And it's not always about getting to feeling attractive, or having someone in your life, or being accepted. But here it is, the story as it is laid out.

So how do I respond as an author?

• I look at the character I have in my folders and try to make sure that should they need to physically change that it may be against their will. 
• I have characters that do physically change because they age or are gravely ill.
• I have characters that understand the physical changes are permanent and there is nothing to reverse the changes
• My characters see the benefits and succumb to the evils of their changes.
• My characters find their happiness without the physical change.

As for gender balancing, it is hard, my primary fictional work usually has a romance component. It is easier in family stories as I can always find a model family, regardless of gender balances.

As for addressing the diversity of characters, I find this probably the most challenging. I find there is little I am interested in outside of the creation of a period piece and even then, because of my lack of first hand, or even second hand, knowledge, my worlds are sometimes too ideal in the diversity world.

I have three major projects in my lap right now. I seriously wrote my opening scene in my newest work into a corner and so I decided to look at my characterizations. And I realized I had no motivation beyond very simple old hat tricks and I wanted my character to be better than that.

Hopefully, my character will change. I will find the answer eventually. Characters are those voices that speak to me, they may have a path I can see for them, but they have to get on that path and go. If I chose the wrong character, I'll find another.

Writing is demanding. I have more to finish.

"And..." The Compounding Compound

I really do not like 'and'. When struggling for words or ideas, I really go for those long lists and eventually I do hit the requirement for an 'and'. But, 'and' is such a quantifier.

I am female and I am an educator.
I like music and I can read music.
I draw by hand and on the computer.

And.

And.

'And' is about the more. The more things I can do or say adds this layer of complexity that sometimes isn't necessary at all. When I leave the house I like knowing I have twelve or fifteen things on my list to accomplish for the day. That's it. When then there is an 'and now we have to go...' or 'and now I have this idea/desire for', this inhibits the list there is a sudden growth of more. And that's anxiety causing.

And it is lonely.
And it is frustrating.
And it is stressful.

'And'.

'And' is the loading of an argument. 'And' is the fear that things will be unnecessary.

As a writer, the 'and' is a requirement. My characters need to fulfill my desires and have their own voice. My characters have to make the plot points and get there in interesting manners. My story needs to be original and be interesting.

I am working on three books right now. Two are for Project Delta, looking at vocabulary building. The third is probably never going to get published, but another foray into romance writing. I know the market is saturated, my voice is hardly going to get heard, but it is time to get into some writing where I can build a world again.

And remember to blog more often.
And remember that my blogging = writing.
And enjoy the journey.

Diversity in Writing and Television

I spent a chunk of my morning today watching a Charlie Chan movie. If you've missed them, Charlie Chan happens to be a man of Chinese descent with thirteen children, a wife, and is a well versed homicide detective. One of the trademarks of Charlie Chan's character is that he speaks in an accent. It is easy enough to understand, but there are nuances that are built into the Charlie Chan character that are a part of the world of the 1940s.

There are parts of me that would love an updated Charlie Chan. Charlie Chan, as a character, was not easily fooled. Even when his older children, and eventually his grandsons, tried to help him, he was not at all bothered by the mess or noise that came with the world of excited youth. But, making a movie or even a television remake might be mired in misdirection these days.

Which leads me to other considerations of diversity. I'm a huge TV watcher. Thank goodness for the development of the DVR. I can write and work on watching some TV all at the same time. But there are two shows I spend a lot of time on, that sometimes I wonder about.

The first is "Two Broke Girls". The girls are working as waitresses in an up and coming neighborhood in a diner run by a man who happens to be Asian. This man is a recent immigrant to the United States and over the four seasons has been the subject of many jokes the least not of which is his height. I can promise you it has been demonstrated through the show multiple times that both the man and the two women that they mutually care for each other, the jokes are a part of how they show affection. But initially, and even if you step away from that, it does look like they are going round for round in the quest for who can be the most cruel.

The second show I watch is "Jane the Virgin". Pushing aside issues arising from the main plot line of the story, again here is a show about diversity in the world. I appreciate this show because Jane is a worthy character in her world. Ignoring her pregnancy and the plot lines involving directly to her pregnancy, she contributes and wants to contribute to her world. She views the world with both feet planted in thing that is most important to her: her family. This is in direct contrast to a Pilot episode of "Cristela", also of Latin background, that exists on another station. I'm annoyed at Cristela because while I can accept the family dynamic, Cristela is disregarded at work as just someone who happens to not be white. Cristela has a lot to contribute but her contributions are the punch line. I realize in the same breath of contrasting directly to Jane and Cristela: Jane is a telenovella, a drama, Cristela is a half hour comedy. But where Jane is valued and even when all the things she wants does not work out; Cristela is a series of gags at Cristela's expense.

And then this leads to the mid-year replacement of "Fresh Off The Boat". I saw early trailers for this TV show, and frankly, I will be surprised if it makes the rest of the season. An Asian family leaves their mostly Asian community and moves to a community where they are the minority. There are several culture clashes, namely when the oldest son goes to school and the smell of his lunch puts off his classmates this leads to the son asking for a more American lunch. While I think some of the interactions beyond the home in this comedy prove to be useful and not intentionally limiting, as an entire show, I don't know how to place value on this contribution to culture.

I am reminded of one of the first Asian family comedies: All American Girl with Margaret Cho. And that show completely resonated with me. The desire for cultural conditions that did not exist in with the complexities of traditional Asian American expectations. While I was much younger and some of the nuances did probably fly past me, the show was great at not isolating the family. 

But why bother with looking at these issues? Partly because I have been following the work of the Geena Davis Institute. They are primarily an organization that tracks and shares data on the equality of gender in the entertainment industry. They've done exhaustive research on the number of male/female characters and executives making shows in all sorts of shows and movies. The study that caught my attention was one that recently discussed the impact of non-named characters in shows. That the camera panning around a room setting the scene has not been 50/50 male/female. Even the perception of a charcter's gender in a background is default selected as male. The problem that this leads to: little boys and girls do not get a chance to see themselves as those characters. Not just in shows that are aimed at the kids, but shows their parents watch that kids might walk in on or hear their parents talking about.

Does this matter to shows I watch that take place in history? Not at all. If the goal of a historical drama or comedy is to represent that era then there is nothing wrong with the show not necessarily reaching the same benchmarks. There are more subtle, historically correct, manners to accomplish a certain goal, but social awareness should not the end goal of historical fiction.

So this leads into writing. I admit I have been profoundly affected by my mostly white washed upbringing. There is nothing wrong with being of European descent. The majority of my friends are from some European country, several generations ago, some as recent as having been made citizens in their life time. But I also know that there is nothing out there for me: a multi-ethnic person. So while shows like "Fresh Off The Boat", "Two Broke Girls", "Jane the Virgin", and "Charlie Chan" all have given snippets of truth in my life they have not been able to classify my experience through drama or through humor. And I put a lot of stock on humor.

So how do I help contribute? I really find it off putting to describe someone's physical characteristics. I think that's one of my weakest points in my writing. Even if I were not to be blunt about the physical features of my characters and more poetic, I know as a reader: I ignore those tidbits. And then the role of a person by ethnicity matters too: roles of leadership, roles of cleverness/intelligence, and roles of fear are not limited by ethnicity, physical ability, mental ability, or gender. But for me as a writer: all of these aspects have to be natural. They cannot be formulated like a boy band. Unlike the rules for a hero's journey or aspects of a continual plot, characters know no limits. At least in writing, unlike performances where I am limited to the types of people who have come forward. I am not shackled in my imagination.

I really do hope, one day, television will be better about social equality in modern settings. As a writer, I need to work on being more inclusive in my characters.

The Post NaNoWriMo Blog Wrap-up

My NaNoWriMo has been validated. And an impressive 55, 118 words was the final count.

What I learned this year: I have gotten rusty when it comes to fiction. I am not reading enough different materials anymore and I am not developing my characters the way I need them to develop into deep creatures of habit.

So what I may end up doing next year is finding characters I have already worked on or at least tried to work on previously and finding a deeper story to provide the depth and the generous story quality I know I can create.

I also happen to know that I am not creating those moments for my characters, moments that I hold in deep emotion. Those have been harder to create this year.

The best news: the growth out of the deep dark that I can write was not nearly as bad this year. I could write a dark, emotionally haunting scene, and as an author I could walk away and not feel the emotion boiling over limiting my ability to recover.

I don't know if that is a reflection of maturity as a writer, or the fact that I did not care about my work this year.

As for my company books that are pending: I have five or six books lined up and I just need to get them to be organized.

So new goals:

1. Write more. This isn't a quantity, this is a discipline. And more in fiction.
2. Remember that I can only improve. Or at least that is my goal to continue to improve.
3. Ignore the goal of publishing. It would be great if I was worth lots of money from my writing, but it is not the only thing I can do.
4. Know that I am in this for the long haul. I like writing. I always have. 

NaNoWriMo 2014: done. And now a little time to relax while I prepare some books for my company for publication.

More Rantings from the NaNoWriMo Side

I don't think I've ever blogged so much in one month through this account. Let me tell you something, it's for a great cause.

So to date: at this moment I've written 12,001 words. That last word was a hard won fight.

Here's why: I realized that I'm telling a story about a character who has no likes or dislikes. She has no attachments, and her relationships last only as long as a few breaths.

Shouldn't she be a secondary character?

The character challenge. Building characters because they have nothing is pretty key here. Not because they rise from nothing to become nothing, but the character who cannot do anything, shackled by oppression...it's almost 18th century French or Russian literature...And then they drift into the aether of existence.

I didn't know that when I chose this character to follow. I thought I had another story here. Wow. I love this journey.

Near future: I need to cross into 16,000 word territory to make up for the 2 nights this week I've skipped writing. I need to focus on the world around my character more. I'm excited and giddy. Right now I'm also worried that my goal of 60,000 with being happy cracking 55, 000 is going to be too much. But I'm going to try. I've got nothing to lose right?

Two books, one summer, and onto other things

First, don't let the title scare you. I'm going to keep going here.

But my "paying job" has begun. I use the paying term losely. While I make more than minumum wage, I shouldn't complain as I am employed, but I honestly don't make enough at a shade under 40 hours a week to be successful and financially careful.

But here to announce book #2 of this summer: The Bard In Stick Figures. It has 130 illustrations, of which 110 are original illustrations. By the third story, I had a really good method for getting the characters into the scene and into position.

It includes both interpretation and direct quotes.

I might be able to re-release that book I wrote last summer in a second edition, but not before December.

I've started the first new books, prepping for release next summer.

This life of publishing is awesome.

Onto NaNoWriMo.

What it's like to solve problems when you're a writer AND an illustrator

My primary background is in graphics. Which is odd because I have this degree that says I can build things that people can live and work in. But the thing I walked away having learned and evaluated the most of, was simply graphics. The visual way of convincing someone I'm right. If I can fool you with what you're looking at, then I've done a good job. And I need to do it in the most professional way possible.

So when I moved into the world of illustration for Project Beta for ParaEducate, it was sort of a no brainer. Part of the beauty of "Bard in Stick Figures" is that it literally looks slapped together. this accomplishes two things.  The first is reminding my primary target audience, that some of our work needs to be "slapped together" at the last minute. The second is addressing the fear most people have about drawing. If I had a penny for every time someone said, "I'm not very good at drawing"; I'd be insanely rich at this point.

But even though I had finally gotten the text together for the new book, I had been dragging my feet on the illustrations. And I would have really loved to have the book out already. But such is the life of the author/illustrator/publisher. And I couldn't figure out why. I even started flipping through the original text which I was using to work from to help generate ideas. I thought I might have been too true to the original text [wholly possible as I spent many years in theatrical sets], I thought I didn't understand the text [wholly possible as it is Shakespeare], and I thought maybe this just wasn't as cool as I thought it could be.

One of the signs that bothered me was the book was only 80 pages long (40 pages published). Ambitious yes, but not impossible. But when it comes to publishing, this means that it's going to be really tiny. I thought about adding another section to the book, but then I realized, that I couldn't handle the pages where there were actual conversations. And this made me not want to finish the book. Unlike the first second where conversations weren't really a major element of the story, the other plays I had chosen to illustrate were all wrapped in conversations between characters. And then I realized, conversations happen over multiple pages through the illustrations--like a comic book.. Poof. My book is now extraordinarily viable at around 150 pages with illustrations (which means around 75 pages published).

Of course, I'm not sure how this will translate to publication as there are file restriction limits. But I don't care the book is working out finally. Yes that does mean the illustration count has moved proportionally so of 150 pages, 140 pages are original illustrations. But that's okay. I figured out how to solve the issues for the remaining two of three sections.

To give you an idea of how excited I am that this is possible and I'm making progress: I just finished 5 illustrations since 7 AM. While Facebooking, blogging, and spending 30 minutes walking to the Post Office and back (and not illustrating). Yeah. That means that this is the solution.

And now, for a little fiction

I don't remember when I wrote this. But I apparently did so.

My first love has never been non-fiction, it has always been fiction. Characters, emotion, descriptions. I love writing for that simple reason. Those elements don't exist anywhere else in life, but through imagination I can perceive a variety of different worlds, all vastly different from my own.

But this, I'm not sure why I had started, I am cross posting this from my personal blog today because it speaks to the way I start--typically with one character's voice.

So, I give you about 50 words of my mind from I can't remember when..

---

He asked, "How would I know if you loved me?" With saucer eyes and a muddy shirt.

I thought for a minute and put him on my knee.

He kept going while I stalled for my answer. "Mommy loves me with the kisses and the way she makes my lunch. and Daddy loves me with the way he shows me how to do things to help him. But how do you love me?"

I was silent I had never thought of this answer before.

"I love you because I laugh at your jokes, even the ones you don't know that I know. I love you by the way I turn a blind eye to letting you get away with mischief."

"I love you in the way that I answer the problems and you know my work is as important as you are in my life."

"I love your smile when things are just perfect in the world as you see it."

"I love your curiosity."

"But most of all I love you because you remind me of the potential of the future that I still want to work at."

There was silence for a few minutes. I worried that I hadn't said enough. Finally, "I would like it if you loved me with less words."