NaNoWriMo 2017

If it is not obvious, managing nearly eight different blogs and working three full time jobs has eaten away at my blogging abilities. But that wasn't the reason my NaNo got derailed at all this year. As of today, I did cross into 50,000 territory. I had initially started out aiming for 61,000 words. On Thursday last week, my anxiety crossed new boundaries. There was no reasonable way for me to make a personal best this year. 

I don't talk a lot about anxiety. I've had it for years. But on Thursday, after one of my regular jobs, I was informed I would not go in on Friday. The entire employee base was denied entry to work for safety and the seriousness of the situation. Police barricaded all entry points. For the first time in my life, my worse fears were at my feet. Where could I go? This still has not resolved and the police action is valid. I'm personally prepared to return to work, I know on Monday I will have specific information that I will not be able share on social media but marching orders are what they will be. But on Friday, while I was managing family and work from the car, I broke. The idea of looking at a personal best was impossible. I have never written a sentence of NaNo from my car on the side of a road, but this year I did. And while I did so, I couldn't look at my characters. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be anywhere but useless. And in my car, with my laptop open, I was officially useless. I decided 

I could not make 61,000. I would have to make 50,000 and just write a few extra days. And like that, my anxiety leveled off.

What did I learn?

• I have gotten better at describing a single situation. I still need to work on my chapter transitions. I really have good scenes built up when I think about the things I want to hit. 
• My main character is very much an introvert. They relish in their solitude, but do not resent the people that pull them out for snippets of time. My introverts value the world they have to navigate but in their solitude, they shine. But the world is unkind at times to introverts and it seems so much bigger than they are.
• If i keep working at my major plot holes, I eventually do find a great way to fix them. 
• Using real life events are a bad idea. This year because of some situations beyond my control, I went with a "solution" that then became front page news. I cannot publish this story. Fictional pain that then becomes real pain, even by coincidence is not a real plot point. See my entire paragraph of anxiety above.

NaNo goodies are now mine for the taking. I will write all thirty days, get my first thirty day badge. Then back to work.

Stalled out but not down

So I've been puttering around with no less than twelve pretty serious works in progress.
I had settled that my last year's NaNo would be cut down into a short story, but then I stalled out into making some serious decisions for my characters and I just did not feel like that was organic enough to address.
Then I have this huge math book project and I couldn't decide whether or not to put work samples in or not. But that was actually a 'little' problem compared to getting information in there correctly. That project is slowly coming together.
I have six geography projects in progress. The problem there is trying to gather enough research to be credible. Plus all the map illustrations are currently still in progress.
Then there's my newest Stick Figure book. Yes! I have another Stick Figure book in progress. Today's breakthrough there was actually really profound. I'm partnered into an art class this last part of the term and today we introduced proportional facial feature drawing. And all the information I learned nearly twenty-five years ago came back. Unlike my last Stick Figure book, which was based on Shakespeare, it's a lot harder when the same character is at the center of the story and his outward appearance changes because it's literally years of abuse his body takes in the story. So how do you know it's this guy and not another guy? It's the face. It will always be the face. I finally had a breakthrough about facial shapes looking at the options given. I reviewed classical proportions, appropriate due to the content of the book, and was reminded the stress of facial expressions had in classical sculptures. On the plus side, it's also encouraging me to draw larger, which is all right, I can have a few views of much more detailed faces.
There are assorted works of fiction and non-fiction all demanding different attentions from me and I still have yet to address them all. But I will. And I need to publish this summer because I don't know when I'll have a chance ever again.

So many things

Hi Again!

The irregular posts are returned!

I am actually looking at three short stories that I'm trying to build into a book. I have four books I'm in progress, the hardest with over 500 hand drawn illustrations. And I'm still a little confused why I choose to tackle these artistic challenges.

So I'm about 15 images into 500 illustrations. This may take longer than I anticipated.

I'll be back to blog soon. Lots of work needs to be done.

Lessons from NaNoWriMo 2015

So this year, I returned to the short story. I have found that I'm actually a lot better at short stories than trying to directly apply myself into a huge novel. There is something mentally relieving when I can switch gears if I am not feeling the characters I'm working on at the time.

One of the struggles I really could not compromise on was the fact that I was working on some ideas  in my stories and I had no purpose for the characters. I just had these one or two phrases to write the story and it made being a "pantser" (writing by the seat of my pants), a lot less appealing for the first year. I can be flexible with my writing and accept if there should not be something I should push with my writing, but without traditional literary themes (exploration of 'riches', emotional contrasts, political statements, emotional growth) I found my first draft stifling. My characters turned wooden and were hardly moving. I was really disappointed in that fact. Previously, most of my characters were characters to be proud of. And this year, while I had interesting stories, I did not have interesting characters.

In the case where I had an interesting character, I felt shackled by an uprising in the writing community to avoid some types of story lines because they are all too easy to use as "ways to make the story work." And while normally, I ignore that advice, I thought I should try for once just to see if I could look at the tasks faced by my characters and come up with less common tasks for my characters to overcome and that are just as emotionally shackling as some more traumatic human experiences. And they are hard to fathom. Most of these struggles are deeply pained sorts of losses and with out exploration, they continue to eat away at the character, stripping them to their basic level and no one really knows how to rebuild from the emotional destruction better than the character.

So for next year, I'm going to do more than just "try to write more". I want to commit back to writing more like once a week for a full hour. I want to make sure I address more basic literary themes, based on leaving them in the dust this year, I realized if I had addressed them, my stories would have been stronger. And finally, I want to remember that the characters come first in fictional writing. It is not just their world I am building, I am building them.

NaNo2015 Update from 8 days in

There were plans. As a 60/40 pantser: there were plans. I swear there were. Especially around blogging this year.

And then POOF. Time. Life. Demands beyond belief.

When I tell you that my health is taking a dive here, you might want to believe it. The phone call to my personal physician is also on "the list" for December.

But I'm on schedule to finish 60,000 words 11/30. I'm working on 2 short stories at the same time, which is useful when I'm struggling with one scene, I can pop over to the other story and write in information I feel necessary so I can think about something else for a little while.

But I forage on. One day, I'd like to be someone who tries to get 50,000 in over 2 days or something. As it is, I'm about 2000 words in a dedicated hour. Something that I thought would be easier.

I love NaNoWriMo, if nothing else, to remind me to focus, and drown out all the issues that plague me and worry me because my writing is really soothing in the end. That's why I started blogging. That's why I started writing through NaNoWriMo.

I love to write. I will continue to do so.

The Post NaNoWriMo Blog Wrap-up

My NaNoWriMo has been validated. And an impressive 55, 118 words was the final count.

What I learned this year: I have gotten rusty when it comes to fiction. I am not reading enough different materials anymore and I am not developing my characters the way I need them to develop into deep creatures of habit.

So what I may end up doing next year is finding characters I have already worked on or at least tried to work on previously and finding a deeper story to provide the depth and the generous story quality I know I can create.

I also happen to know that I am not creating those moments for my characters, moments that I hold in deep emotion. Those have been harder to create this year.

The best news: the growth out of the deep dark that I can write was not nearly as bad this year. I could write a dark, emotionally haunting scene, and as an author I could walk away and not feel the emotion boiling over limiting my ability to recover.

I don't know if that is a reflection of maturity as a writer, or the fact that I did not care about my work this year.

As for my company books that are pending: I have five or six books lined up and I just need to get them to be organized.

So new goals:

1. Write more. This isn't a quantity, this is a discipline. And more in fiction.
2. Remember that I can only improve. Or at least that is my goal to continue to improve.
3. Ignore the goal of publishing. It would be great if I was worth lots of money from my writing, but it is not the only thing I can do.
4. Know that I am in this for the long haul. I like writing. I always have. 

NaNoWriMo 2014: done. And now a little time to relax while I prepare some books for my company for publication.

More Rantings from the NaNoWriMo Side

I don't think I've ever blogged so much in one month through this account. Let me tell you something, it's for a great cause.

So to date: at this moment I've written 12,001 words. That last word was a hard won fight.

Here's why: I realized that I'm telling a story about a character who has no likes or dislikes. She has no attachments, and her relationships last only as long as a few breaths.

Shouldn't she be a secondary character?

The character challenge. Building characters because they have nothing is pretty key here. Not because they rise from nothing to become nothing, but the character who cannot do anything, shackled by oppression...it's almost 18th century French or Russian literature...And then they drift into the aether of existence.

I didn't know that when I chose this character to follow. I thought I had another story here. Wow. I love this journey.

Near future: I need to cross into 16,000 word territory to make up for the 2 nights this week I've skipped writing. I need to focus on the world around my character more. I'm excited and giddy. Right now I'm also worried that my goal of 60,000 with being happy cracking 55, 000 is going to be too much. But I'm going to try. I've got nothing to lose right?

Why NaNo2014?

Or better yet, why NaNo at all?

As a person who generally walks down the street, I am normally not thinking about the sidewalk, or things I see, hear, or smell specifically in much detail. My world lives and dies the way I write, the way I think, and the way I need to convince someone else to think.

Writing is probably the easiest way for me to do this. I've been very reluctant orally to express my thoughts.

But while I write describing every last item within reach of my characters, I know completely that over half of that dribble will be cut away. None of it matters, but it mattered to me because I am trying to build a world that I know almost nothing about even if it is very similar to my own world.


So far, so good, crossing 2000 words after an hour and a half of writing yesterday. Going to try for some more today. My goal this year officially is 55,000 words. I would _really_ like 60,000 just to say I was able to make it.

Other complications: the blogging I do for the Company. That's at least an hour or two once a week to develop the topic, edit what I have written (sometimes rather poorly I might add) and then send it through the social media whirlwind.

But I can't abandon the idea of NaNo after nine years. I like the dedication I am required to have to help hone discipline I rarely use in the rest of my life. Although, upon brief reflection that discipline would serve me better if I used it more often outside of NaNoWriMo.

Time to get cracking. Another 2000 words await being placed on the page.

Horrible, Horrible Blogger

There comes a point in every blogger's life: do I keep going or do I just stop.

I have admittedly been overwhelmed with my life. And I just completed my 8th NaNoWriMo where I decided to try and aim for 60,000. I will tell you it is possible as long as you do not succomb to doldrums in the middle for any reason.

NaNoWriMo is about removing the excuse of "Oh, I can't write." So that seems silly on the surface that someone who is a NaNoWriMo veteran like myself can be stymied by something so simple as life. But life happens.

And things like running multiple blogs gets shoved aside.

Disappointments happen. I don't think my NaNoWriMo is as strong as it could have been. I also know I did abandon my NaNoWriMo early due to early setbacks in my month that had nothing to do with my writing.

I think in the future, I will find other things to write about. I will eventually have enough to work on shortly. But for now, do not get crazy if I do not post regularly.

It Takes A Community

I want to say, as a writer: you can't write what you don't experience. You can anticipate emotions, but you might not know the depths of despair or the heights of plateaus truly until you have lived through it. A few years back, one of the short stories I wrote for my NaNoWriMo was a collection of letters written by fictional parents to their unborn children. I don't think I really captured the depths of worry, sorrow, and fears that parents could bring as well as the joy and the hopes that parents often have. Just around the corner, a co-worker of mine would be a parent for the first time the following year. And then in February, we got a letter from the co-worker about the baby, the baby was going to have a pretty serious birth defect. We rallied around her. And when the baby was born extraordinarily premature, we were as supportive as we could be. When the baby died a few days later, we all came together and helped the family out the best we could.

Again, at my feet lays an experience I never wanted to have. A good friend of mine from high school lost her little boy on July 4th in an accident. And I've challenged some thoughts in another blog and he was a wonderful little boy, but again, the depths of loss leave me floundering for the words to share the truth that community comes together, even a small one for this little boy.

This taints my look at things. And yet today, something else came my way that was much more mundane. One of my NaNo groups had an author who was flustered over the fact that his work was lacking in gender diversity. I am not sure how old this author is, but I was struck by how much he was troubled by this conceptually. He had tried adding more characters, even supporting characters but they weren't nearly as interesting and they were only shells as he had described them. He wanted fully participating characters.

As an author, and especially one who participates in NaNoWriMo, I usually don't give a rip what genders my characters are. Gender eventually comes to the surface and it all balances itself out, though admittedly: I have never written a gender neutral character or a transgendered character. But again I could not ignore the idea that an author had wanted to make sure that his story lived in a gender balanced world.

I look at my own constructed life: I spend a lot of time with women, but I have spent a lot of contact time with men. But each individual representation had elements of stereotypes on both sides of the gender. However, my last 3 published stories all had main characters that were female, with a heavy dose of women surrounding them. The stories that have yet to be published that contain male main characters are surrounded by men. But that is also a result of things that I know about how deep secrets are comfortably shared within genders. A greater trust has to be met to share across genders be it marriage/partnership, siblings, or a long time of friendship.

I sometimes wonder that my own writing is too lacking in diversity due to the fact that my world is the world that I see. To be honest, I have only know 3-4 practicing Muslims, and only 1 Pagan. Of those 5 people, I think only the Pagan would list me within their good friends (a significant difference of best friend). I also do know that in my experience, I am all too aware of the contrived racially, gender balanced writing (High School Musical and upcoming Teen Beach Movie--I realize that these are screenplays, but they address the same things). There was a presentation to me that discussed the limitations of popular media with regards to racial equality (that there is no equality for races), but I am also struck that I know of shows that are specifically targeted at certain ethnicities and yet they are not at all racially balanced. 

As a concept: diversity I'm flummoxed by it as a writer. I know diversity, I've lived it most of my life even in its limitations: I socialized with people with multiple ethnic identities and religious choices, I know the difference between being the leader and knowing when to take a supporting role, and I have friends, good friends of several genders and gender preferences. I'm lucky: I live in a state that has a lot of representatives of both mainstream and minorities.

This becomes a sticking point though as I am on the precipice of preparing materials for social sciences to be used with students with developmental disabilities. I know it's the point of educational materials to be as politically correct as possible and be the introduction to the world beyond the four walls of school.

And then I take a breath.

It's the community that will give rise to the work. Both fiction and non-fiction. I can strive for the diversity without purposely putting it to task. I can ask myself to consider to have my characters step outside of prescribed stereotypes, that they will rise to the task. And I know they all will be okay. Because my friends have 2 special angels on their shoulders. And I have more experiences, albeit, experiences I hope no one ever has to see.

New book due 2013

I have been sitting on nearly 8 stories and since 2013 will be an off publishing year for my company, I decided that I will take the opportunity and publish a new book.

The Heiress Heart was originally intended as a romance. But before you completely walk away, as a story, I had to try this one. And what I found was not romance, but I found a healing family instead. It drew upon my reserves about legacy and what really is important ultimately.

Expect the final story around August.

No, Seriously, I Am Always Writing

As someone who works in a public school 5 days a week for over 190 days a year in the past 2 years,  I have tried to convey to my students that one really does need to know how to write. While the English teachers that I work with admire the direction I have tried to put a spin on the importance of skill building, I sometimes get the idea that no one really knows exactly what I do and how much of "it" I do.

Seriously: I am always writing.

• I write emails for the company, I write emails to my co-workers, I write emails to my friends
• I write short stories
• I write reviews for items and books for a variety of stores
• I write modified texts to let my students access the curriculum
• I write process charts (somtimes also called scaffolds or task charts)
• I write for 4 separate blogs (yes I am crazy)
• I write at least two status updates to FB daily.
• I write text messages to my friends
• I write sample items for my students to refer to when  am not with them
• I write
• and I write
• and I write.

I write as I am falling asleep. I write as I'm going to work, even when I cannot write, whole chunks of sentences form in my head before I even get a chance to pick up a pencil and actually write them down.

I used to write poetry quite a bit.
I still write short stories and novels.
I will always be writing on Project Alpha, the project with no end in sight darned illustrations.

Pictures still are valued at 1000 words. At least. My own hand is much more steady these days.

But I'm always finding an outlet forcing myself to express the ideas in my head that have been placed there by something I've seen or trying to experience or put words to an expeience that I do not quite understand.

The nebulous way my mind wants to work is not much unlike a web one might teach students to use to write with. But it happens in clearer and clearer chunks the more I work at my craft.

I was most recently asked why I hadn't gone into the English department as a major in college instead of heading to Architecture school. And I will be honest: there isn't a lot of money there. But I don't care about making money, not in the way that I don't want to make money, but in the way that money is not the primary decision guide. Architecture was a means to another skill of communication. And I have been able to control a lot of things that I probably would not have been able to without having been formally trained in the visual skills that are required of architecture.

I always was mistified by my friends and aquantances being stimied by the direction to write. I always found it the easiest thing in the world to string words together. I'm not an expert at it and sometimes my direction is more of a stab than a gentle curve. But the words will come.

But always looking for a chance to explain is what is in my head is always the goal. So I am always writing.

NaNoWriMo: Movin' Right Along

The thing I appreciate most about NaNoWriMo: I cannot linger if I want to make my deadline. I have to keep my characters moving. The depth I need to make the scenes work comes from the day after I wrote the original scene. My word count comes quickly from reviewing what I have already written and add in detail.

Other spots for me: not to be afraid to write out of sequence or about a character I don't care about. I k ow I spent over 3000 words today in a courtroom. I had no idea I even wanted a court room but that was what happened today. I think it was far better than pulling out the phrase "and then the Ninja monkeys attacked!"

But then again, tea time would be so much more interesting with a horde of ninja monkeys.

I am also still preparing for work, TASH and whatever else is heading my way.

November rocks.