It Takes A Community

I want to say, as a writer: you can't write what you don't experience. You can anticipate emotions, but you might not know the depths of despair or the heights of plateaus truly until you have lived through it. A few years back, one of the short stories I wrote for my NaNoWriMo was a collection of letters written by fictional parents to their unborn children. I don't think I really captured the depths of worry, sorrow, and fears that parents could bring as well as the joy and the hopes that parents often have. Just around the corner, a co-worker of mine would be a parent for the first time the following year. And then in February, we got a letter from the co-worker about the baby, the baby was going to have a pretty serious birth defect. We rallied around her. And when the baby was born extraordinarily premature, we were as supportive as we could be. When the baby died a few days later, we all came together and helped the family out the best we could.

Again, at my feet lays an experience I never wanted to have. A good friend of mine from high school lost her little boy on July 4th in an accident. And I've challenged some thoughts in another blog and he was a wonderful little boy, but again, the depths of loss leave me floundering for the words to share the truth that community comes together, even a small one for this little boy.

This taints my look at things. And yet today, something else came my way that was much more mundane. One of my NaNo groups had an author who was flustered over the fact that his work was lacking in gender diversity. I am not sure how old this author is, but I was struck by how much he was troubled by this conceptually. He had tried adding more characters, even supporting characters but they weren't nearly as interesting and they were only shells as he had described them. He wanted fully participating characters.

As an author, and especially one who participates in NaNoWriMo, I usually don't give a rip what genders my characters are. Gender eventually comes to the surface and it all balances itself out, though admittedly: I have never written a gender neutral character or a transgendered character. But again I could not ignore the idea that an author had wanted to make sure that his story lived in a gender balanced world.

I look at my own constructed life: I spend a lot of time with women, but I have spent a lot of contact time with men. But each individual representation had elements of stereotypes on both sides of the gender. However, my last 3 published stories all had main characters that were female, with a heavy dose of women surrounding them. The stories that have yet to be published that contain male main characters are surrounded by men. But that is also a result of things that I know about how deep secrets are comfortably shared within genders. A greater trust has to be met to share across genders be it marriage/partnership, siblings, or a long time of friendship.

I sometimes wonder that my own writing is too lacking in diversity due to the fact that my world is the world that I see. To be honest, I have only know 3-4 practicing Muslims, and only 1 Pagan. Of those 5 people, I think only the Pagan would list me within their good friends (a significant difference of best friend). I also do know that in my experience, I am all too aware of the contrived racially, gender balanced writing (High School Musical and upcoming Teen Beach Movie--I realize that these are screenplays, but they address the same things). There was a presentation to me that discussed the limitations of popular media with regards to racial equality (that there is no equality for races), but I am also struck that I know of shows that are specifically targeted at certain ethnicities and yet they are not at all racially balanced. 

As a concept: diversity I'm flummoxed by it as a writer. I know diversity, I've lived it most of my life even in its limitations: I socialized with people with multiple ethnic identities and religious choices, I know the difference between being the leader and knowing when to take a supporting role, and I have friends, good friends of several genders and gender preferences. I'm lucky: I live in a state that has a lot of representatives of both mainstream and minorities.

This becomes a sticking point though as I am on the precipice of preparing materials for social sciences to be used with students with developmental disabilities. I know it's the point of educational materials to be as politically correct as possible and be the introduction to the world beyond the four walls of school.

And then I take a breath.

It's the community that will give rise to the work. Both fiction and non-fiction. I can strive for the diversity without purposely putting it to task. I can ask myself to consider to have my characters step outside of prescribed stereotypes, that they will rise to the task. And I know they all will be okay. Because my friends have 2 special angels on their shoulders. And I have more experiences, albeit, experiences I hope no one ever has to see.

Roadblocks

Roadblocks in writing are harder than they look. 

Things like "Spare the air days" limit research possibilities and then the actual finished product. Don't suggest that writing on a pad of paper and researching at the public library between hordes of fellow citizens or even trying to organize materials on my phone or iPad are a useful alternative because they currently aren't. I will gladly give up my spot at the public library to a family who doesn't have an air conditioner. I will gladly give up my spot to a person who doesn't have access to research in the middle of the night so they can get their essay for their last community college class.

But what about my trusted laptop? You ask so very politely. Ah, my laptop has had hard drive issues for months now. I couldn't let it go because I had so many things that required my full attention at the time. So this device too is out of my reach being examined thoroughly by people who should know more about computers than I. I hope the drive is not toasted. I suspect I might not be so lucky.

So I sit in my office, sometimes napping because during a spare the air day that's all one can do. And I think about how important the images I have in my head are and how they can't tantalize someone else's sense. I think about the fact that I could solve some of my problems by just writing this all out by long hand without being distracted by the constant need to research a specific fact I am unfamiliar with.

And maybe without distractions, I can concentrate on not making another project. Only if that were true eh?

Heat wave: hurry up and pass before I burn off all my good ideas being lazy.

90% mark

I have to say, one of my favorite parts about having access now to regular publication: I can publish whenever I am ready. Except when my material isn't ready.

This isn't about the reluctant artist. I will deal with that later.

I'm sitting here with my unedited manuscript knowing that I have to edit it, deal with the issues surrounding the final pages and potentially cutting the introductory chapter because it's a little flat.

I worry about the issues surrounding the fact that I don't have a full publishing house to back me up and I'm entirely stuck with my work being what it is and what I could potentially be missing to support my work.

The worries of what I still am missing are there, but also at this point, I lack motiviation to finish things that I think aren't important or as important as they were when I started the book in the first place. After all, who cares if something didn't make the final cut? I have the finished product. And by hook or by crook: it's done. I have to accept the deadline, even self-imposed deadlines.

Other things keep sucking away my 100% focus, but I suppose my business partner and co-authors from other projects will be thrilled with that knowledge.

But 90%. Missing 5 pages, 8 maps, a complete editing, and citiations. So close.

When It Is Ready, You Will Know

Since I was in college, I've been writing a series on about government service. And most of the short stories there had never really went many places. They were about character development and looking at the past of characters.

Until this week. A reoccurring photo kept creeping up on my Facebook feed. And while I've seen the photo a thousand times, for whatever reason, this week it made sense, this was the image I was going to write about to tie the entire series together.

I find that the one thousand words produced by the picture that emanates silence and reverence was perhaps the most soulful addition to the series. So my next book, not due for at least another year will focus on service and sacrifice both publicly and politically. I can't promise stand alones, but I'm looking at the short stories I generated and perhaps this might be the better way to imagine that these stories all share a common thread.

There have been multiple requests for updates and the companion story to "Putting It On The Line", and while I have been sitting on the manuscript for over 15 years at this moment in time, I am not interested in releasing the continued stories of Jessie and the rest of the Bakers.

I would, however, like to request that if you had the pleasure of reading my books, any of them to date, that you would offer up a good review on Amazon.com. And by good reviews, I mean something that is sincerely useful to someone who might be looking to buy a new story/book. I don't really care if you liked the book, but it is somehow much more useful. The reviews help validate my work, and as much as I like hearing from my readers personally, I think it's infinitely more useful that someone reviews my work honestly and understands that there are all sorts of different readers that I come in contact with.

So to sum up: 1) new book in progress. 2) if you like my work, put a review on it. (Sorry Beyonce!).

Thanks! and stay tuned for more updates on Project Alpha as the summer begins, because now I'm fully immersed in the world of CCSS...

Carving time to work

It would seem counter intuitive that a writer would not have time to blog. The problem lies in the fact that my day job, while revolving around writing unfortunately does not mean by any stretch of the imagination mean I am a writer.

I still go to a 8-3:30 job and sometimes for chunks of time I have a 8-5:00 job on top of any general life responsibilities (laundry, cooking, sleeping). And then when I am finally home, I have a potential 3 hour window where I get all the things done I need for my job on top of running a company, taking care of my own writing interests, and fitting in my love of video games. 

So where does someone who professed to write about emotional sacrifice as it surrounded family and life to find love find time for love anyway?

Well actually it's much, much broader.

I love seeing the barn swallows build their annual nest and hatch their brood. 

I love seeing my students recoil doing something I have done a million times before. 

I love seeing my students reach a goal they have set for themselves. 

I love knowing my work has made a difference to someone in their academic pursuit.

I simply, honestly, find the tiniest kernel of love, knowing.that love in all places of my life is not meant to be the earth shattering love that we pursue in our lives. 

But in the meantime, I will blog more. Today's highlight: my first readers have love my new book!

I am going to love that pretty much forever.

Things that influence a writer

I can really get lost sometimes in one tiny aspect of a story line. I think that is most true with "Sheltered Hearts".

I haven't heard any reviews yet, there are only two copies out there in public, but I'm certain, they'll be moving soon.

One of the things I did differently for "Sheltered Hearts" was to develop a sound track for all things related to the book.

In the past, with other stories, I have used songs to do specific chapters or "movements" of my story. by using the music for the full story instead of things I'd like to do or say with the characters, I think I was able to provide a way out as I wrote. I could find conclusions for things that needed to be addressed in the plot and forge relationships around the character.

So for "Sheltered Hearts", here is the list I used to help remind me of my characters, moments in their lives, and emotions I wanted to explore as a writer:

Hunter Hayes "Wanted"
The Wallflowers "The Empire In My Mind"
Ryan Cabrera "True"
Reba McEntire "The Greatest Man I Ever Knew"
Glee's version of "Roots Before Branches"
Kenny Loggins "For The First Time"
Kelly Clarkson "Catch My Breath"
Nickleback "Savin' Me"
Hinder "Better Than Me"
Fleetwood Mac "Landslide"

And It's Out of My Hands

I just want to thank you all for your support the past few months as I've prepared my newest book, Sheltered Hearts. It is the first book I've independently published in over 4 years. Sheltered Hearts has just made it to the final check with the publishers, pending a 24 hour review before final publication to go live on Amazon and Amazon Europe.

Sheltered Hearts surrounds Blair Jacobson as she tries to manage the aftermath of her father's recent death. She knows how isolated she is in her life that has been consumed by work, like her father. It is her little inlets to reaching out that helps her and her brothers and sister find that the house they grew up in was more than just a building conceived and built by their father, but the safe harbor they never thought they would ever have.

Still available on Amazon.com: ParaEducate (with Megan Gross, Jennifer Kurth, Ph.D, and Lisa Yamasaki), Putting It On the Line, and Small Voices.

In the next few months I'm preparing ParaEducate's first adapted curriculum book, Geography, and potentially a release of the US History book.

I'm really excited and cannot wait to see what I will get my hands on just around the corner.